Some years ago, the bold independent Manishi thought of trying out something new and out of my league; because when you’re young, that’s what you do right? You become one grand Dora the Explorer.
Well fortunately or unfortunately, that was me. Going against my roots of being a hopeless romantic, for the first time, I started to ‘adjust’ myself to something that was more of sense and less sensibility.
I was on a rollercoaster of ‘adjusting’ myself, which in truth turned out to be a complete series of me deceiving myself. I told myself the little cheesy things in love don’t matter. Calls are boring. I love you’s are so old fashion. Romance is unreal. Labels are for babies.
In short, I convinced myself that I don’t need everything I truly wanted but wasn’t receiving. I was rejoicing in my own little fool’s paradise when it hit me that THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT. More precisely, this is NOT me.
We often tend to ‘adjust’ to circumstances, jobs or relationships disregarding our true interests. It could be done out of hesitation, reluctance to speak up, despondency or illusion. Mine I say, with all due respect, was an illusion. I was ignorant of my own worth and concerns.
Maybe you’re stuck at a job that you’re not passionate. Maybe you’re in it just for the money. It can also be a situation which brings zero satisfaction to yourself but you’re just reluctant to say no. Or you could be just trapped in an illusion or fantasy where you deceive yourself to believe that ‘this is what you want’. If truth be told, it just takes one call to your inner self to wide open your eyes. But we persuade ourselves never to check into that, and let ourselves linger in the fool’s paradise.
Adjusting is important. But not for everything and everyone. The noteworthy aspect is ‘what’ you adjust. As the old Confucius saying go, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps”. This is where we go wrong. We happen to change our goals, standards, and our own selves, instead of changing and letting go of those that are not apt to our aspirations.
In the moment of being attracted to someone or something, we tend to forget what we really want. This is not only unhealthy but will always residue a hole in your heart. It’s important to know your worth and give priority to your wants. Always aim for satisfaction. If it is only partial satisfaction, just let it go. That I did.
Ever since then, not only I’ve been happy but also had the courage to fully embrace myself. It’s okay to be a little self-obsessed or selfish in order to focus on your happiness. Don’t trap yourself inside what you think you deserve, because we humans love to underestimate ourselves.
It took me a while or rather a long time to reach that ‘realizing stage’. As Khalid’s song go, we are all Young, dumb and (with the prevailing economy) pretty broke too. But hey, every step in life is a lesson, experience and a great number of memories right?
I am happy it happened, and not in the world would I want to go back and erase the whole saga off. Neither should you because it’s all a learning process.
Sometimes ‘adjusting’ is not the cure. Let go. Be free. Don’t be afraid because there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind. So break free. Chase what you really want and what will really make you happy.
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